Be fat at least once in your lifetime.

It’s official! Well, it’s been official. I’m big. But today I sat on a water bottle cap for 20 some minutes and never even noticed! Apparently the discomfort of sitting on a cap was masked by pain I have other places or it felt the same as sitting on my own cellulite. Either way, I’m sure I’ll soon find a Twinkie or half eaten sandwich between my fat rolls and say, “Hey! How’d that get there?”

A few findings of my own…
1.) When you are fat people think you are lazy.
2.) When you are fat people think you are dumb.
3.) when you are fat people look at your body first, (abdomen), and then your face second.
Now, I don’t have any great research backing this up. All I can tell you is I’m living it. You would have to take the “fat journey” for yourself to get the full flavored treatment.

You say, “Just work out lady!” I say, you’ve never been fat.” The bigger you get the more sedentary you want to become. First, it takes effort to move such “mass” and it’s hot, sweaty, and painful when you are large. Secondly, have you ever seen a turtle trying to get off it’s back? That turtle is me. Most pregnant lady’s have disproportionate bodies by the end of pregnancy. I can’t imagine doing the elliptical in public with a huge belly full of baby right now. Some women have and kudos to them, for they are the “rockstars” of pregnancy. I fully support those efforts.

Research and OB’s are saying it is safe to do most physical activities, (working out), as long as you were doing those activities before pregnancy. In other words, don’t start crossfit in your eight month of pregnancy.

In fact, while I’m writing about this I think it’s sad our society wants to ridicule someone doing their best to stay in shape and have a healthy pregnancy. And other pregnant ladies, (like me), or “the Jabba the Hutts” of pregnancy are smiled upon and accepted for our planet sized figures.

This article is interesting…

I wasn’t in shape like that lady before pregnancy. So I’m not going to beat myself up now for not being as fit as I could have been for this kid. Rather, because I’m closer to the end I’m just going to focus on small stuff…walks and some light weights. Maybe I’ll practice less self loathing. After the baby comes I will put more pressure on myself for weight loss and fitness. I’m trying to make small changes I know I can keep for this new year! In the spring I’m going to look like Kelly Ripa! 😉


Happy New Year everyone!!


An orgasmic birth?

So today I stumbled upon this little gem…

And I can’t help wondering can this really happen? Is this truly possible? Doesn’t it seem wrong on so many levels? Maybe it’s a little early for your kid to crash your sex party…hmm? I thought that was supposed to be saved for when he or she is a teenager. (Everyone has had that nightmare. If you are a parent, there are these really neat state of the art things called, “locks”. Buy one and fucking use it.)

Maybe loud crazy sex screams aren’t what I want my kid to witness for her first moments on earth. It really doesn’t matter because I’m having a very planned C-section. And I have to say I’m relieved! I don’t have to try and have a birthing plan or make any weird choices like an orgasmic birth.

Oh! I’m sorry. I realize I could be stepping on some of your toes. Hey! If you want to have your baby at home in a kiddy pool rocking out to Metallica I guess go ahead. Not for me. I do like to try new things. I like to think I have an open mind about unconventional ideas. But for me, trying new things is having Indian food for dinner. And my unconventional thinking is that president Kennedy was white trash and not a high class hero.

Nipple twisting and trying to push a baby out…well those two things don’t exactly go together like pizza and beer. Delving further, my curiosity led me to an interesting YouTube video about orgasmic birth. It DOES NOT show anything crazy so don’t get too excited! (I will include the link.) It was more informative. I guess 21% of women that have experienced childbirth claim they have had an orgasmic birth. That’s high! Which makes me think I probably know some of you! If you told me this happened to you I think my reaction would be, “really? But you seemed so normal. And I liked you! Great now we can’t be friends.”

Bottom line, if this was your experience and your baby safely came out then more power to you! Why should I care? It just seems so odd to mix the sexual experience with the child birthing experience. But what do I know? Bust out the whips and furry handcuffs! Don’t forget some super absorbent towels.